how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You may now shotgun with the bride
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
