yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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