2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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