i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
4 words: hood of his car
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
