I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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