Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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