I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
