I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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