So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
