Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
