'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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