He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize