Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
