I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
