whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
