Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize