So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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