I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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