he told me I talked like a deaf person
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize