3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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