I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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