I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
