Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
