When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
