He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
True strength comes from lack of pants
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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