apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
