Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
