She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
