i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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