so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
