Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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