you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
