first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
