My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
