at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
