i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
