This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize