Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
