look no pants
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
