Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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