R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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