my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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