He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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