Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She bit a glass in half.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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