11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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