The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found the puke drawer
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
