I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
