We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
