PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
