Where did you get a picture of my penis
I CAN MOONWALK!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
