Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She's just so happy...and so naked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
