The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
