SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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