So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So vagazzling was a success
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
