When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
