I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
