On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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