Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I touched a dick in church today
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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