Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
