I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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