tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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