I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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