I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
