PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.