she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.