halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.