I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
