70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
