no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
