Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
