its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
