I hate all girls vehemently.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
