if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
