At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
