Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it glows. i had to have it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
