you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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