Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
