they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
