im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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